“So God created man in his own image,
in the image of God he created him;
male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27)

Everything that follows in this article hinges on the above Scripture. In order to confront racism and sexism, you have to believe in your bones that anything tearing down a man or woman due to the image they reflect is a direct slap to the face of their Creator.

Paul—when talking to the church in Colossians 3:11 about Christ as their new life—applies this by saying, “Here there is not Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave, free; but Christ is all, and in all.” To discriminate against someone because of the particular image of God they display (i.e., skin tone, hair coarseness, gender, facial features, etc.) is not only to curse the Creator’s image, but also to stab the very body to which you belong. We call this “body dysmorphia” in counseling.

My hope in this article is to find guides in Scripture for confronting racism and sexism when we see or hear them around us.

Confrontation Is a Process
“If a fellow believer hurts you, go and tell him—work it out between the two of you. If he listens, you’ve made a friend. If he won’t listen, take one or two others along so that the presence of witnesses will keep things honest, and try again. If he still won’t listen, tell the church. If he won’t listen to the church, you’ll have to start over from scratch, confront him with the need for repentance, and offer again God’s forgiving love” (Matthew 18:15-17, MSG).

So how does this work?

If a brother or sister demeans or detracts from someone else, you ought to pull them aside (private message before you post on their wall) and reflect to them the sin you see. Your job is not to convince them they are sinning, but to be a clear mirror in which they see their reflection. A good way to start this conversation is by saying, “When I heard you say ____, I felt hurt because it sounds like you are tearing down our brother. Can you help me understand what you meant by that?”

Rather than accosting them with a cry of Racist!, come to them with a soft start (and a soft heart). A kind invitation lends itself to accepting confrontation, whereas accusation almost always puts someone on the defense.

Now, if that doesn’t work, and they reply with defensiveness or further insult, pull in a few other brothers and sisters. Hopefully, this takes place within a context of community. The troll on your Facebook feed that you’ve never met will not respond to this, because you have no connection with them; thus, there is no empathy. Your goal as a group is to be a mirror—showing them their fault, not judging them as a jury.

If their heart only hardens to your plea for repentance, call your pastor, elder, deacons, or another leader to stand with you. Discipline is for the purpose of inviting people into deeper relationship with yourself and with Jesus. In addressing this sin, as uncomfortable as it may be, you are deeply caring for their heart. If this occurs online, be bold to report it to the website or host. If in school, talk with your teacher or principal, youth leader or counselor.

“As for a person who stirs up division, after warning him once and then twice, have nothing more to do with him” (Titus 6:10).

Finally, don’t feel compelled to pursue their repentance forever. God’s call is for you to show up and introduce them to their sin—you would only harm them if you tried to manage their sin for them. If they remain unrepentant, kindly dust your feet and step away.  A mentor of mine has always told me, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink. However, if you hang around long enough, he’s likely to get thirsty.”

Be Gentle, for the Sake of Your Own Heart
“Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted” (Galatians 6:1).

When you aim to restore someone through confrontation, you face the huge risk that they will not want to be restored, and, because racism and sexism tend to be so personal, you also run the risk of getting angry and hurt yourself. Be gentle with them, and with yourself. Another person’s heart is not your responsibility. In fact, if you believe you are responsible for producing repentance in them, I can say with some certainty you are doomed to resentment, which will only serve to poison you. Do your part, and then trust God with the results.

Confrontation is Not About a Cause
“Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” (Philippians 2:3-4).

This might be the most difficult guideline of all. The restoration of someone from sin has nothing to do with any cause or personal vendetta you may have. Obviously, our sin causes pain to those around us, but confronting another is not always about fixing pain caused to us (or those we love). Confronting someone regarding racism or sexism is about inviting that person to remove what hinders them from their relationship with Jesus.

Do Your Own Work
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye…” (Matthew 7:1-6).

Before you confront someone for tearing down the image of God, recognize how you are doing so yourself. Our hearts are prone to fear and distrust, to vengeance and bitterness. Some of the hardest racial reconciliation work I have done was in my own heart and mind. Ask the Father to show you the deepest recesses of your heart in this area. Ask trustworthy friends, family members, or colleagues what they see in you. Then practice confession, or simply put, be rigorously honest with someone else about your own flaws and failings, thoughts and judgments. This is the road to wholeness and holiness.

“Make this your common practice: Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you can live together whole and healed. The prayer of a person living right with God is something powerful to be reckoned with” (James 5:16, MSG).

Be Angry and Be Unified
“What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body, we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself. Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life” (Ephesians 4:25-27).

When you see or hear someone defaming or demeaning the image of God in a brother or sister, the proper response is anger—and I’m not talking about some timid, passive, nice “Sunday-School” anger. You ought to want to get up and fight. Your heart should pound, your palms sweat, your ears get hot. This is the perfect and almighty image of God having stones cast at it, and you (we) ought not stand for it.

And yet—

Be unified. Let your anger fuel your desire for restoration and peace, healing and wholeness, instead of pouring fuel on the fires of vindictiveness, resentment, or revenge. This is hard, and, if you are honest about confronting racism and sexism, you will mess up. Sometimes, you will be too passive; other times, you will be too aggressive. I implore you to prepare yourself for repentance before you ask others to do so themselves.

Be Strategic
“Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed” (Proverbs 15:22).

I promise that impulsively confronting people on social media at 3:30 a.m. will do absolutely no good in rooting out their sin, nor yours. This is particularly important when you seek to confront racism and sexism that is part of a system—be it in church, government, family, school, etc. Talk to people who are much wiser than you. Read about how men and women did this in the past, what worked and what didn’t. You aren’t the first to engage or fight this sin—nor will you be the last—so pay attention to others who have gone before.

Ask for Wisdom
“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him” (James 1:5).

In reality, there is no “best” way to confront someone in sin. Sin is messy, insidious, and deceptive. On top of that, everyone is unique, and whatever racism or sexism they display is rooted uniquely in their heart. Ask the Spirit to guide you. Then look your brother or sister in the eye when you tell them about the pain caused by their sin.

Bear the Burden
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).

It doesn’t matter if the racism or sexism assaults someone hundreds of miles away—an assault to the image of God is an assault to all those made in it. Christ’s command is that we love God, which then leads us to loving those made in His image (our neighbor as our self). If you see or hear something that is degrading or assaulting towards another, speak up, even if the defamed person would never “know” of the thing said or done against them.

This also means you ought to bear the burden of pain, hurt, and humiliation of those targeted by racism and sexism—even, and especially, when you do not understand it. If you hear someone hurting, and your first response is “They’re just being too sensitive; they need to move on,” I implore you to listen to their pain without trying to “fix it” with sympathy or a trite answer. Here is a short and helpful video by Brené Brown on the power of empathy, and the hurtfulness of sympathy.

Prepare a Reply
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

Please do not be so naïve as to think pointing out sin in your brother or sister will instantly lead to repentance and confession. Chances are, if they are anything like me (and probably you), they will throw a stinging reply to deflect the reality of their sin. Be ready for it. Your counter-reply should include looking them in the eye, avoiding defensiveness, using safe body language (open hands, uncrossed arms), and practicing humility. Your goal is not to be right or to have the last word. You are being the mirror of Jesus, so try to act like it. If you say anything at all, you may want to leave it at: “I hear you, and I’ll be here if you want to talk about this in the future.”

Hope in Christ, Not in Outcome
“For the Son of Man is going to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay each person according to what he has done” (Matthew 16:27).

This works both ways. Your reward for pursuing reconciliation and repentance may not come anytime soon. Justice and equal treatment may also not happen immediately. In all likelihood, you will not see the fruit of your labor. The point is, both judgment and reward are promised to be settled out at the coming of Jesus. This does not mean you ought to be complacent or passive! But it does mean your hope should not be placed in the immediate outcome. Bring attention to your brother’s or sister’s sin, and then prayerfully trust God with the long-term results.

Clearly, there is so much more that could (and should be) said. My final encouragement is this:

Stand Firm — Suffer Well — Love Much.