In the time leading up to the 2016 election, I noticed how a conservative Republican Party rallied around a man who did not reflect the principles that their party supposedly stood on. I would even go as far as to say that he was–and still is–the antithesis of the “Christian values” many Republicans claim to hold.

I was unprepared for the people that I had been in community with for almost a decade to choose him over me. I was blindsided as people who said they loved me decided to fall in line behind a man they hardly knew at the expense of people they once called family. I was left carrying a burden that I was not prepared to carry; it messed me up big time. I was close to completely walking away from my faith.

“What the h*ll do you have to lose?” -President Donald J. Trump

Thank God for the Black community, especially the Black voices who spoke to my pain and gave me the hope that I needed so that I wouldn’t give up!

Being out of church because of the pandemic has also given me a new perspective. My family moved to a different city and no longer attend the white Evangelical church that hurt us so deeply. I am no longer under the cloud of the white Evangelical church and, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.” Being away from our old church has made me realize some things. When I say that I was in the trenches these past four years…I cannot begin to put that experience into words.

Thank God for the Black community, especially the Black voices who spoke to my pain and gave me the hope that I needed so that I wouldn’t give up!

Although the pandemic has been challenging to navigate at times, it has also allowed me to reflect on my experiences and to build up my defenses for the onslaught of nonsense from the melanin-deficient Christians who suddenly decided to become concerned for Black Lives following the murder of #GeorgeFloyd but conveniently (and predictably) decided to fall right back in line with a president who sees the movement for the dignity of Black Lives as a problem. These are the same ones who “loved my heart” and enjoyed how I led worship, by the way.

I am no longer under the cloud of the white Evangelical church and, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone.”

While I am not surprised that many of those who “held their nose” to vote for 45 in 2016 have decided to joyfully take a full whiff of the rancid odor coming from this administration, I often wonder if they know that we can see them? Like do they care that we are not buying their double talk? Probably not, but I thought that I’d ask anyway.

Some of you reading this may be feeling the myriad of emotions I felt in 2016 for the first time. I hope that my words could, like the Black voices from Pass the Mic and Truth’s Table did for me, give voice to the deep trauma you are feeling and let you know that you aren’t drowning. You matter. You, too, can find community in the wilderness.