The Witness

Pro-Black ≠ Anti-Everyone Else

Elodie Quetant

This past summer, in a room full of black millennials, my mother called me on my cell phone. Her ringtone is the theme song of the “Seinfeld” show. As most of the room quieted, I felt the inevitable roast session descending on me.

I silenced my phone while a friend gave me a quizzical face. “Really?” he asked. “There are so many black theme songs out there…but you chose Seinfeld?” “He’s one of my favorites,” I explained. But my friend didn’t hear me while he listed off the many other ringtones I should have gone with. This was the first instance when I asked myself if being pro-black meant being anti-everyone else.

Jay-Z prompted me to revisit the question some months later. In his video, Moonlight, he featured a shot-by-shot remake* of a scene from “Friends.” Social media exploded as it often does. The song, actors and actresses, and nod towards “Friends” had people pretty excited.

I want to highlight the black men and women who used the moment to declare with pomp that they never watched “Friends” in the first place. They stated that the black people who did were probably white-washed. I wondered at the dichotomy. Does it have to be either/or? Does being black mean not enjoying “non-black” things? 

The Question of Blackness

I won’t even attempt to answer what it means to be black for you but I do know it means being free. Maybe a better question would be what it means to be human. 

Beverly Daniel Tatum, the author of “Why Are All The Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria”, observes that black children start asking themselves what it means to be black at an early age. I am sure the answer to that question changes depending on your environment. We can all agree that being black in Capetown, South Africa has different meaning and ramifications than being black in Harlem in 2018. Though some elements of life experience may be the same, growing up black in Chicago looks different from growing up black in Hartford.

To have a uniform definition of black would not work because black people are not uniform.

Don’t Dictate

Some will argue that black people need to use our finances, resources, and support to advance our art, causes, and people. I would agree. Others may observe that we’ve been oppressed for so long that to be pro-black is the only way to be. I also wholeheartedly hold to that idea. But if pro-black means there are preset likes, dislikes, and lifestyles to adhere to, then let’s pause to think about that. If being pro-black means to shun everything else, then I take exception to that.

There are countless facets of blackness. If you grew up with Kool and the Gang reverberating through the house while another black person lip-synced NSYNC songs across town, that doesn’t give you the monopoly to dish out the ultimate meaning of black. Black people aren’t monolithic, and we are quick to tell anyone of the majority culture or another race that very same thing. Why say one thing and do the other?

To be black in any part of the world brings so many constraints with it already. Do not add to the burden of your brothers and sisters. Our personhoods are skewed into caricatures on a daily basis. Why heap another obstacle?

When you reduce blackness to mere checklist items, you diminish something so robust and beautiful to shallow, fleeting things. Leave room for individuality. Let humans be humans. God made black people in his image, not yours.

Don’t Conform

Take care not to buckle under the weight of someone else’s perception of what black should be. I recently saw someone tweet that if a black person could quote “The Office” more than they can quote “Martin”, then their black card should be revoked. I’m sure my scoff was heard around the world. I don’t know about you but I’m not interested in hiding or depreciating my delights and who I am.

To define blackness just to dictate it is to essentially dehumanize. You’re no longer seen as a person with original thoughts, feelings, and interests. You’re merely a cookie cutter version of black. If you let someone else define that identity for you, you will never be enough. You will never measure up. You’ll be a disingenuous chameleon, changing shades of blackness to fit into the appropriate environment. Beloved, be free.

In Reality

Many have brought these empty standards of blackness along from childhood. A dear black friend detailed her school years in Arizona to me once. The white girls wouldn’t talk to her because she was black. The black girls wouldn’t play with her because they categorized her loose curly hair as white and thus not black enough. She was in a perpetual state of purgatory, waiting in vain to be accepted by black people who weren’t her family.

She, of course, is not alone. Issa Rae, an overall amazing human, had a similar struggle in childhood until she resolved to just be.

To tie one’s identity to transient interests is fruitless. How can you explain the plethora of black men who are avid Dragonball Super fans?* I also have a few cherished friends who love Korean pop music. I don’t understand it (not even a little bit) but I love my friends just the same. I don’t tear them down or diminish their personhood because of it. I simply delight in who they are.

Being pro-black ultimately means being pro-you. You can like “Living Single” and “Friends.” You can vibe to Migos and Phil Collins. To those who find themselves imposing their reductionist standards of blackness on others, I’d implore you to consider that this practice marginalizes and causes harm to those already burdened with identity issues.

In a world full of various dictating voices, depicting black people as this and that, make up your mind not to be found alongside the oppressors.

*Language may offend.

8 thoughts on “Pro-Black ≠ Anti-Everyone Else

  1. Anonymous

    During the Great Depression all people of every color suffered. Food was hard to find especially in urban big cities.
    My Hispanic dad had to quit school to help raise his family as his father died of cancer and left my grandmother to raise five kids.
    They all survived, no food stamps, housing assistance, or any kind of welfare.
    Dad worked in the CCC , young people don’t even know what the CCC stands for.
    It means Civil Conservation Core.
    They build Parks and roads and other projects, anything government could think of to give people a job with very little pay.
    They didn’t steal, loot, brake laws, and if they did they went to prison, no slap on the rest.
    The biggest problem in America today is simple, no family structure especially in the black community. Young men bragging that they created five “Baby Mommies “.
    And sad to say they themselves were born
    out of wedlock.
    When people of any color forsake our Creator all of us suffer.
    And that’s the Truth !

  2. Bill Trask

    Great article. From the white perspective, one of the things we usually don’t see is that we don’t have a struggle with racial identity – its one of the intangilbe white priviliges we enjoy. Life, literally, revolves around me – partly becuase I’m white, partly becuase of my education, partly becuase of my social and financial status. For someone who is not white and has been touched by poverty, making sense of the world personal identity is a completely different issue – one the rest of us need to constantly sensitize ourselves to. If I simply live life without looking up, I might remain in my white upper middle-class bubble, unable to experience the joy of loving a whole segment of our society. Thanks for being a part of my “sensitization.”

  3. Thomas W.

    One of the best articles I’ve read so far on here and from the old RAAN. You’re insight into asking about dichotomies is often where most us, even on other issues aside from race, end up missing each other in conversation. We often assume the who doesn’t agree with us must equal our worst stereotype of them. There’s no room for the same nuance we often afford ourselves.

    I also find this interesting because its fastening how much that black identity becomes almost idolized toward assimilation out of fear of somehow losing one’s color and thus identity.

    As a part of another race, for me, I’ve worried about whether or not I can actually watch a show called “Blackish” out of fear of not of being less my own race, but out of fear that I have no idea if its appropriate.

    May our identity be grounded in God’s image and Christ’s redemption, and let our color be one aspect of our diversity that flows from it, rather than being limited to it.

  4. Carlos

    Thank you so much! I grew up having to hear stuff like, “you sound white” just because my mother was an English major and taught me correct grammar.

  5. Sharon

    Thank you!

    I am white, but when I worked in a 98% black urban Christian school and I was planning a luncheon, I was told that we couldn’t have spaghetti – we had to have chicken because I needed to think ethnically. I felt pretty sure that my black friends and coworkers didn’t eat chicken every day.

    My son was dressed as a typical teen (old t shirt and jeans) while on a jet and the older man next to him was shocked to find out that my son was listening to classical music on his iPhone.

    Let’s be human. Recently a young white girl was criticized by a black person for wanting to dress as a black cartoon character (Disney or whatever – Tatiana, I think – the one where the girl kisses the frog – awesome movie). I think it’s cool that the little girl admired that character – and if a little black girl wants to be Elsa, I say that’s her business. We have spent decades being taught to blend and now blending is being criticized. I’ll watch the “Bill Cosby Show” (despite his personal struggles, it remains one of the best shows ever) and you watch “Home Improvement” (one of the other best shows ever.) I liked “The Jeffersons” as much as “All in the Family”. I didn’t like “Good Times” – just didn’t find it funny.

    Let’s be human and not judge each others’ blackness or whiteness.

  6. Grace A

    Couldn’t have said it any better! One person can not represent blackness.

  7. Candice

    Sincerely appreciate this!

  8. Ben P.

    Fantastic message and perspective. I really appreciate how you wrote your experiences/thoughts without being patronizing or too serious, but light-hearted (see Dragon Ball Super link). Thanks Elodie!

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