Singleness and Handling a Trivial Pursuit

Comments (21)
  1. Teresa Rincon says:

    Christ had to pursue His bride because we are born dead in our sins. Few Christian women will see themselves in such an analogy; most think they are such a prize and that any lowly man should be grateful for her affections.

  2. Samantha says:

    Jasmine, an encouraging, aptly-timed reminder for me, thanks! I’ve been in the “friend-zone” before and hope not to go back! It’s nice to read a relationship article that is uplifting regarding our brothers in Christ. Keep on writing!

  3. Melody Latrice Copenny says:

    Beautiful blog post Jasmine, incredible words you’ve given. I appreciate the ease at which you write and the personable and easy flow of your writing. You “preached” without being “preachy” and that’s an amazing thing to do. My favorite set of words from this post that are so quotable: “Be patient with your brothers. Be quick to forgive and willing to try. Relationships are not just about what we can get out of them, but what we can pour into them. The godly man who you patiently express your standards to may not be your future husband, but you may be doing a tremendous service to his future wife. Help him grow.” Thank you for writing. Keep sharing your perspective on life, living and God. The world needs to hear your words. ~ m

  4. O'Brian Martinez says:

    Definitely a humbling article. Thank you sister for this.

  5. libby mccord says:

    I so enjoyed this post! Thank you for writing this (definitely sharing!), as well as your book. It has been such a huge encouragement to me, and the Lord has used it so much in my life. Blessings!

  6. Ashleigh Davids says:

    I appreciated this so much.

    1. Jasmine Baucham says:

      So glad to hear it! Soli Deo Gloria!

  7. Melanie Campbell says:

    This is so helpful. Thanks for writing!

    1. Jasmine Baucham says:

      So happy to hear that it was helpful! God bless you!

  8. Ekemini says:

    “I am convinced that this nefarious “zone” is one of the primary enemies of Christian marriage. It’s the place where we stow backup plans and take each other for granted. It’s romance neverland, where we decide that we will never grow up and take on the meaning of a responsible relationship.” *in my best church mother voice* Welllllllllll! Jasmine, you hit it right on the nail!!! All I can do is shout “Amen”!

    1. Jasmine Baucham says:

      Haha! Amen. May we esteem our brothers more highly than to settle for the friendzone or to slide them into the neverland ourselves. 😉

  9. Lisa Robinson says:

    Jasmine, thanks for this. I think some may read this as being high maintenance. But I think this article will probably be more applicable for those of us who have had issues with low self-esteem and lowered standards to gain acceptance. There’s a difference between exercising wisdom and having unreasonable standards or expectations that are demanding and selfish. I don’t see this post as promoting the latter. Rather, establishing boundaries and healthy expectations protects women from pre-mature emotional entanglement that ends up in the woman feeling (or being) used. Emotional vulnerability is a risk but some cross that line too early and too much. When there is that tendency, it usually accompanies accepting devaluing or non-commital treatment. Such women really need to raise their standards for this reason. So I appreciate your thoughts here very much.

    At the risk of being really vulnerable here, it took many years before I realized this tendency with myself and made excuses for tenuous commitment and poor treatment,.Sadly, this tendency led me into a troubled and unequally yoked marriage. I’ve been widowed since 2004 but experienced this kind of doorknob treatment even from brothers who professed faith in Christ (though in hindsight some were questionable). These past 5 1/2 years in seminary have been wrought with confrontation and pruning but needed for me to realize how my calibration has been off. I hate that so much time and baggage accumulated but thankful to serve a redemptive God who can restore the years the locust have eaten. This was heavy on my heart today and your post has proven timely.

    1. Jasmine Baucham says:

      Lisa, thank you so much for sharing. Yes, there is a huge difference between having unreasonable standards and establishing boundaries, and it’s such a difficult line to walk sometimes. On the one hand, you do want to be patient, but, on the other, making excuses can definitely be indicative of self-esteem issues. In my case, it masks pride: “I don’t want to be one of those high maintenance women.” 😉

      You’re brave to share! Thank you for being vulnerable. The Lord does indeed restore that time, and uses it to afford us wisdom and mercy for the future. God bless you!

  10. Melody says:

    The problem is that too many ladies don’t believe that they are worth more – and that’s often re-enforced by christian guys who will flat out say, “You need to lower your standards.” Or by well-meaning older adults who constantly say, “Real life isn’t a fairy tale.” Or fed-up married ladies our own age who say, “We just have to expect that men never care about us as much as we care about them.”

    I never expected anyone to be obsessed with me or sweep me off my feet, but I also began to wonder if I could expect a guy to be thoughtful and kind – let alone any kind of romantic. Apparently that’s a fictional concoction women need to forget about.

    And as a concession to reality women start to put up with all kinds of behavior – much of it sailing beyond lame right into rude or mean.

    But what I really don’t understand is – why have we been telling people that this is how it is?

    I’m finally with the perfect guy. He is sweeter and kinder and more thoughtful than I could have hoped for. And it is magic.

    Don’t ever settle.

    1. Jasmine Baucham says:

      Melody, what an encouragement. Thank you for sharing -I’m so happy that you have someone whose love echoes Christ’s love for you. It’s a beautiful thing!

  11. Jasmin Turner says:


    1. Jasmine Baucham says:

      Thank you! =)

  12. Diane M. Selle Pedrosa says:

    Thank-you Jasmine.

    1. Jasmine Baucham says:

      Thank you for reading! =)

  13. Great article Jasmine! I’m positive guys and girls alike will find this extremely helpful.

    1. Jasmine Baucham says:

      Thanks so much, Phillip. I certainly hope so. =)

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