When Compliments Hurt
Over the last couple years, I’ve realized I have a way of letting nice compliments, or compliments given with good intention, hurt me. I don’t mean backhanded compliments (though I guess they too can fit the scenario), but genuinely nice compliments on my appearance like “You look nice!”
I become saddened, because these compliments mainly came when I threw a bit of make up on my face (which I rarely do), or when I wore something “cute” which usually equated to something more fitting, or something more “womanly” like high heels and things of the sort. The compliments almost never came when I was in my simple everyday attire (ie. My natural/”not requiring much work“ look). I didn’t take my sadness much as a low self-esteem issue, because I didn’t so much have a desire to look like someone else, but rather I had the desire for people to see the regular me as beautiful. Here are some things I have been able to meditate on:
The Power of the Tongue
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof” (Proverbs 18:21).
This scripture explains it best—our words are incredibly powerful, and whether we know it or not, it can have a tremendous impact on someone’s life. Compliments can be incredibly encouraging, and very appreciated, but compliments (surprisingly enough) can also hurt. Of course, we mean no harm when we give them, but we must realize constantly praising one thing can be interpreted as not appreciating the other/opposite thing. Because of this, I’ve been more mindful of my words, considering their possible impacts, and more equal with my praises.
Seeking Acceptance
At the heart of compliments is the desire for acceptance and, subsequently, “approval.” I wanted people to consider me beautiful, and I wanted someone to point it out. I wanted someone to see me how I saw myself. Humans deep down have an innate desire of full acceptance. The truth is that level of acceptance is only found in Christ. Whether or not someone points it out, we should be rest assured in the fact that we are absolutely beautiful to God, for he made us in his image (Genesis 1:27).
“LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure” (Psalm 16:5).
What About God?
As I contemplated why these compliments hurt me, it hit me that I do the same to God. How many times do we only praise God when he’s nothing, but good or when our lives are all made up? We tend to praise him when something awesome and big happens in our lives, when we get what we desire, and when everything is all peaches and cream. 1 Thessalonians 5:8 says that we should give God thanks in everything!
How many times have I failed to recognize God’s beauty in the little, or everyday things? Just like the desire for people to recognize beauty in my everyday look, I too should seek to see God’s beauty in the everyday. I should give him glory when I wake up, see his beauty when I look up at the sky, see his beauty when in the rain, in a smile, and in all the other manifestations of his presence that I miss in my daily routine.
“O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory above the heavens. Out of the mouth of babies and infants, you have established strength because of your foes, to still the enemy and the avenger. When I look at your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, and the son of man that you care for him” (Psalm 8:1-4).
Photo credit: Marcus-Blaque via VisualHunt.com / CC BY-NC-ND
Chioma
Ms. Pat!!!!! Im just seeing all these comments and I can’t believe that this reached you and you read it. This comment is so humbling and so appreciated. Thank you for these words. I’m glad these words could give you peace. Life & death is indeed in our tongue. It’s crazy how powerful and transformative simple words can be. Thank you for this bless. God bless you Ms Pat!! Love & Light! <3
Chioma
I’m just seeing all these comments sis and I’m shook. Thank you for this. Thank you for taking the time out to read and for all your support. Just this comment is inspiring and lowkey your response is a whole sermon! Yes the struggle for acceptance is so real and truly accepting and living in God’s acceptance its hard but oh so freeing. Sis, you’re blessed and I pray God continue to use us both to reach others. Love you!
Chioma
Ms Patrice!!!! I’m just seeing all these comments. Didn’t even know people responded on here! Thank you so much for taking the time out to read this. Can’t take you how much I appreciate it. Im so glad this piece could challenge you. That’s really what I hoped this write-up could do for folks, plus I always have to challenge my tongue too. Thank you so so much. I can’t wait to see what God has instore either. Love you and God bless you!
Ms. Pat
This so profound. As I was reading I felt at peace and your words were calming to my soul and spirit. Life and death is in our tongues. May God continue to douse you with a fresh anointing each day as you continue your walk in Him. Your latter will be greater!! Agape
Angelica
Thank you for your vulnerabilitiity here. This has definitely spoke to the masses. I love how you laid scripture on every defying thoughts that we humans succumb to because of our brokenness. When in truth, every part/ detail of us was laid out by God so it can be laid down to God. God sees us, and that’s enough. We all struggle with acceptance but God has accepted us before man ever could. So thank you for allowing God to speak through you so He May speak directly to us. Continue Chioma ?
Patrice
Phenomenal woman that’s what you are. This was so inspiring challenging my tongue and what comes out and the affect it may have. Even if the intention was good. I am so looking forward to God birthing this thing in you. I said thing because there is no word to describe we have to trust Him. Blessings and love, my young sister. The best is yet to be.
Chioma D.
Ariel, thank you so much! 🙂
Ariel Bovat
Beautiful words!